1. Rarely show up to class. On occasions of attendance come late and/or leave early. Be sure to create a healthy amount of noise while packing and unpacking your bag. Consider knocking over your energy drink or your classmates’ things as you shuffle in and out the classroom door.
2. Call the professor by his/her first name. You aren’t into that status BS.
3. Sit in the back row and check your email on your phone. Compose some emails. Keep the phone in view so that fellow students envy your audacity.
4. Avoid proof reading at all costs. Type stuff up, print, and skip the staple. Instead of writing “you” just write the letter “u” throughout the paper. In fact, treat the entire assignment like an excruciatingly long, boring text.
5. Ignore important dates like the ones in bold on the syllabus that tell you when exams are scheduled and things are due.
6. Never bring the text book to class. In fact, why buy it at all? Just wikipedia everything.
7. Avoid note taking entirely. Whenever the professor says “This is important” or when something is put up on the board, abstain from writing it down. Keep your arms folded at your desk. It’s probably best that you don’t even have a notebook and pen out in the first place.
8. If you do find the urge to participate, ensure that your question unequivocally proves that you never opened the book.
9. Do not go to your professors’ office hours at all…except on the day after your final exam to inquire, “So, what am I getting in the class?”
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